a letter from me to you..

reposted: December 25, 2009

Ron..

it's Christmas today..i just want to let you know that it's really not the same without you..i remember last Christmas,our whole family went to the church together,we attended the mass and we went home to eat our noche buena..and do you remember?you used to grill the barbecue for us..but today..it's really different.during the Christmas eve..we just went to Lolo's house to eat with the rest of our relatives..tita lany went home from the states,she has a lot of pasalubong for us,clothes,shoes,perfumes and all...everyone was excited..we were excited too..but behind all the excitements, we felt the pain again..seeing our cousins around..it made us miss you more,,if you were there,am sure that you will be with them doing crazy stuffs together..i saw mama crying from afar..i know that she misses you so much..tata was hurting too..i saw him drinking with the rest of our cousins (the boys that you used to hang out with,mak2,kambal,meljan,anjo) and even if he's smiling,i can see from his eyes that he was deeply hurting..i can see him staring blankly from time to time..i can feel his sadness..we were not able to go to church in the evening..we went straight home,no noche buena,no barbecue,we didn't wait for Christmas to come.i did wait..i did to text mama and tata at exactly 12mn..that's how you do it right?i know mama misses your messages..and so i did it in behalf of you,,but i know i can never do it your way..i was just really trying to make mama and tata feel that you are still here with us..

CHristmas morning..
we prepared to attend the morning mass..we were preparing when i saw tata looking over the clothes that tita lany gave him..there was this brown shirt that he didn't want to wear because he wanted to give it to you..it's in your room.together with the perfume that you really like and a cap that tata gave..tig isa daw kayo dun sa cap na bigay..i went upstairs to get some clothes when i saw tata in your room, he was sitting on your bed looking at the cap that he was giving you..it breaks my heart to see tata hurting..he misses you so much..i could feel his longing for you..he never stops thinking and talking about you..

the whole family misses you RON, it's the first time that we spent christmas without you,it's really sad..the gifts,the money,they are nothing..they can never fill the space that you left..it's still not easy RON,living a life without you..it's impossible..

today it's Christmas..today is supposed to be a happy day..but to us..it is another reminder that you are not here with us..the pain never subsides..

i am writing this letter from me to you RON, to let you know that you are not forgotten on special days like this..you are a part of our family and forever you will be..you will always be with us.you will always be in our hearts...i know that you are watching us from above,i know you always do..we love you ron..help us to sail through this sea of sadness..merry christmas wali..


love..
ate rye