reposted: written November 19,2009
im so used with having pains,used with all the dramas that this heart could give me,so used with the crying moments at night,so used with the hi-hello-iloveyou-goodbye cycle..am so used in being left alone,so used with the letting go,moving on phase..am so used with heartaches..
i always thought that i have endured the greatest pain that life could give,i always thought that heartaches/heartbreaks because of romance are the worst things that i could ever feel,i always thought that i was strong,that i can go on and move on after a pain comes along..but i was so wrong...NOW, i can say, that i am feeling the worst kind of heartbreak..
it's been how many days since my brother left us,leaving us so soon,we were left with broken hearts and with tears in our eyes,no one has ever thought that he would be leaving us this soon,now we feel so empty,we feel so alone,seems like everything is going nowhere,
questions are left unanswered,in my mind im asking,why him?why this soon?why in this way?why didn't HE gave us the chance to be with my brotheR longer?why??so many questions,and yet no answer..i want to get mad at HIM,i want to scream at HIM..why of all people,YOU chose my brother???he's young,he has a lot of dreams,he will be graduating!!he has a lot to offer,why him???
it hurts me so much,it pains me,it KILLS me..losing a brother is like losing a part of your body,without it,you are incomplete.and no matter what you do you will NEVER be complete.how can i move on with this kind of pain?how can i go on with this heartbreak?how can i be OK when i see my family hurting?tell me how??
i know this pain,it will be forever,it will never go,we will just get used to it..yes it is hard and never will it be easy for us to forget what happened,i may have a lot of questions now,but who am i to ask?who am i to blame HIM?He has his own plan and His will shall be done..i offer him my brother and together with this, i offer all the pains and the hurts that we have..
RON,you left us so soon,we miss you so much,if you could only see how the family is hurting because of what happened,we feel so incomplete without you,we miss your katamaran,your kasungitan,i miss our aways,i wish i was a better sister to you,now that you left us,ate feels so sad..it's hard to wake up everday knowing that i will never be able to see you nor talk to you ever again,i will always miss your cute smile,your machong lakad,your messy room,your kalat sa tabi ng TV..i will miss all of these..if ate could only trade what happened for a MILLION/billion/TRILLION romantic heartbreaks,i would gladly take it just to take you back,it's really painful,but don't worry beybe,we will take care of each other,HE is waiting for you up there,HE needs you,yes it's not easy to let you go,but we are letting you go now,we know you're happy now,help us to be better everyday,you take care,and look after us,ate misses you so much..iloveyou ;(
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